Love Story: Father Forgive Me For I Have Sinned… Conclusion
In my heart I felt like the Devil, but what choice did I have? I only wished Kunle was responsible for the pregnancy. Kunle was more than willing to accept it, he was also willing to compromise and damn all consequences.
I became apprehensive towards carrying the pregnancy, the thoughts of having a swollen tommy, the embarrassment it will bring upon my family, the complexity of roping Kunle as the man responsible for the pregnancy and the guilt eating me deeply. I couldn’t bear it any longer, my faith eroded me and I stopped attending church service. I had to seek opinion from Ese. Ese was very exposed and adventurous, I used to avoid her like a plague before but I had no other person to confide with.
I went to her place early in the morning and luckily I met her. I said to her. “Ese good morning.” She appeared so surprised to see me. She stopped ironing her dress and she stood up to receive me in.
She said. “Simi, good morning is everything okay?”
I started crying uncontrollably as she reached for me in an embrace. She then said. “It’s okay Simi, please talk to me. What is the problem?” She then got some toilet paper for me to clean up and she sat me down. She then said. “Is it Kunle? What’s wrong ?”
I then said. “Ese, I don’t know who else to go to, I am so scared and confused Ese.”
Ese then said. “Is it more than 3 months old?”
I was so surprised she knew I was pregnant. I then said. “How did you know Ese?”
She then laughed and said. “I have been there Simi, you will be okay. How many months is it?”
I said. “Less than 2 months old.”
She then said. “And you want to terminate it?”
I then started crying again and said. “I don’t know what to do Ese, I don’t know…… Please help me.”
She held my shoulders and said. “Simi. Let me tell you the fact here. What you did is normal, don’t be too hard on yourself. At least you know that you can conceive, they are many ladies out there who cant. If you want my advice, I will suggest you terminate it.”
I then said. “Terminate it? You mean abortion?”
She then said. “Look Simi. You are a very beautiful lady, you have a bright future ahead of you and keeping this pregnancy will change all that.”
I then said. “But Kunle is willing to accept it. He said he will marry me after service.”
She laughed and said. “Don’t be naive Simi, you don’t know men at all. Imagine if he leaves you, can you take that risk?”
What she said began to make sense to me. If anything should go wrong, my whole world could crumble before my very eyes. I then said. “Ese, but I am scared of abortion. The idea of putting things inside of me is terrifying.”
Ese then said. “They are many ways to that effect. There’s a drug you can take, Misoprostol. It’s a very effective pill and as long as your pregnancy is within 12 weeks there’s a 90% chance of terminating the pregnancy.”
I then said. “Just like that? Use the pill and the pregnancy disappears?”
She said. “Not that easy my dear, it’s going to involve a lot of blood loss and heavy cramps. My cousin is a nurse in Lagos, you could do it in her care.”
I then said. “I will appreciate it if you can help me this weekend, I don’t care the cost Ese, I just need my life back.”
Ese said. “It’s okay, give me your number so I can reach you.”
I got back to the room that morning with a sense of relief. I was glad I wouldn’t have to drag Kunle along with my predicament. Later that evening, I then told Kunle about my plan to terminate the pregnancy. He pleaded with me, but I insisted. He felt very bad about it and there was nothing he could do about it.
Later that weekend, Ese and I went to her cousins place in Lagos. I was so scared but I knew I had to do it. On getting there, I changed my clothes to a much lighter wear and I was given the pill. After a while I began to feel immeasurable pain and severe blood loss. Ese’s cousin Ella, took good care of me and she made sure I was pacified. I spent 4 days in total, Ese had to leave me behind.
After I fully recovered, I decided to change my appearance in order to rediscover myself. I felt out of place and I needed a new identity. I did my hair and went shopping for new wears. I was excited to see how beautiful I could be, all these years I had hid myself from the world. I felt so renewed and relieved, the thoughts of Kunle thrilled me, knowing we could start up with no issues on ground.
Ella educated me about my ovulation cycle, enabling me to understand my safe periods from my unsafe periods.
I then headed back to Ogbomoso. When Kunle sighted me, he was stunned. He couldn’t get his eyes off me. He rushed towards me with a warm embrace and he said. “You are looking so beautiful Simi. I am glad you looking great. I have been praying for you.” He sat me down and said. “From now on, no sex until we married.”
I then said. “Haba now…. Look Kunle, I now know when it is safe for me to have sex and when it’s unsafe. When I am safe, we go skin to skin and when I am unsafe we use a condom.”
Kunle didn’t look very comfortable with the idea, he then forged a smile and said. “Okay anything you say.”
After about a month Kunle and I resumed sexual intercourse. It took me time to adjust with his mode. He was not experienced at all and sometimes I get to think of Bankole while Kunle and I had sex. Bankole knew what to do and how to do it. I missed him and I longed for him but I vowed never to call him again.
One day I was walking to my place and I heard Bankole’s voice calling me. I didn’t stop, I pretended not to hear him but deep in my heart I was excited he was calling. I knew he most have gotten attracted by what he saw, the new me. He never thought I would look so good and attractive. He ran towards me and held my hand and I turned immediately facing him. I then said. “What is it Bankole?”
He then said. “Simi, please we can’t talk here, let’s go to my place, please….”
I paused for a bit, pondered and said. “Okay, but I can’t stay long.”
As we got into his room, he said. “I am sorry for not returning your calls. I felt bad about what we had and I thought it was best we didn’t see anymore. I had to convince Kunle to go back to you and love you the way you are.”
On hearing that, I felt bad and I said. “You mean you where the one that told Kunle to come back to me?”
He said. “Yes I did. I was falling in love with you and I knew I couldn’t date my friend’s girl.”
I then said. “Really, you were falling in love with me?”
He said. “Yes Simi, right now I don’t know how I feel but I know deep inside me that I miss you so deeply” As he looked deep into my eyes.
My heart melted. His eyes were overwhelming and his lips were wet and ripe for a kiss. He leaned towards me and kissed me and I kissed him back. Passion ran through me and my head was about to explode. We kissed for about 4 minutes and then I pulled off and backed him. I was wet and I didn’t want us to have sex but I needed it like I needed air.
As I backed him he then slipped his right hand beneath my armpit till he reached my right breast. He stroked it softly and he squeezed my nipple. Like he read my mind, I was loving every bit. He then slipped his his left hand same way but he went downwards till he got to my region. He then began to fondle with my clit. I went crazy and wild…. His right hand was stroking my breast while his left hand on my region. This went on for about 10 minutes, next thing he unbuckled my jeans, pulled down my panties, bent my back and held my hips upwards. This was what I have missed so much and I was about to get it,
He then slotted his manly into my vagina and we had a rough, sweet and erotic one. He ram into like he wanted to hurt me, it was a bitter sweet experience. I knew I was on my safe period so I enjoyed every bit of him till he released inside of me.
I then cleaned up and he said. “Simi, I forgot to tell you how beautiful you have become.”
I got home and I met Kunle. I then said. “Kunle, I need you to tell me the truth. Why did you come back to me months ago after you left?”
He stood up and said. “Because I missed you….”
I then said. “Kunle, I need you to be honest with me.”
He took a deep breath in and said. “Okay, you want to know the truth? Bankole persuaded me to come back to you. That I should accept you the way you are.”
I then said. “So if Bankole had not told you to come back you would left me for good?”
He said. “No, I love you. he knew I love you but I didn’t want us to delve into lust.”
I said. “But we are in it already.”
He then said. “I did it because I love you and all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. look Simi, thats bygone, lets not go back. Instead, let’s look beyond and build the future we desire.”
I took a deep sigh and left his sight.
He then came towards me and whispered in my ears. “I feel horny tonight, I am going to give it to you tonight.”
I laughed out and said. “Look kunle, I am not in the mood for that tonight. Maybe tomorrow or next.”
A week later I was caught up in the sexual act, between Kunle and Bankole. Kunle at night and Bankole, secretly during the day. This went on for about 3 months until I decided to put a stop it. I realized my cravens for lust and knew it was time to rededicate my life. I stopped seeing Bankole and I talked to Kunle about rededicating our lives back to Christ, which he agreed.
It wasn’t easy but we scaled through and started attending church service again, a different church this time.
The Saturday I will never forget, Kunle dashed into the room sweating and panting. He yelled at me. “Come with me now!!”
I was shocked and I didn’t know whether he was angry or in trouble. So I followed him. I couldn’t meet up with his haste so I was behind him. He then headed to a clinic and we went through a crowded room and got to another private room. There was a lady who said. “Oh you back so soon Mr Kunle and that is your partner?”
Kunle said. “Yes she’s the only one I have been active with all my life.”
The lady then said. “Hi my name is Ronke.”
I was getting scared and I said. “I am Simi. What is going on?”
She then said. “Kindly come into this section.”
I hesitated but Kunle had this stern look that I have never seen before. So I followed her.
She sat me down and it was then I knew it was an HIV testing center. I could tell from the posters. My heart started beating fast. She then said. “Have your sit and be relaxed. It’s going to be a rapid antibody/antigen test the results will be out in about 20 minutes”
I was going to have a heart attack, she took my blood, asked me several questions….
About 30 minutes later the result came out and I was positive. I almost passed out but she held me. She then said. “You and your boyfriend should please wait for counseling by the next hour.
when Kunle heard the result he went mad and very emotional. He was crying like a baby, I dint know how to console him. I tried to say something but he yelled at me. “Why Simi? Why? I only loved you why do this to me?”
I started crying and I said. “It most be Bankole, it’s just the 2 of you that I have had sex with….” I didn’t know how that statement slipped from my mouth.
Kunle then got up, his eye were red with tears in them and he ran out. I went after him until I lost sight of him. I knew he would be going to Bankole’s place so I headed there.
As I got to Bankole’s place, he had a visitor, a lady. I could tell by the foot wear outside the door step. I then banged on the door continuously until he came out. He was shocked to see me sweating and gasping for breath. He then asked. “What going on? what’s wrong?”
I then said. “Kunle…. Have you seen Kunle?..”
He said. “No, not at all. What about Kunle?”
I then said. “Kunle knows, he knows. I must find him…”
I ran before Bankole could say a word.
I got to my place and realized the door was shut and someone was obviously inside. I knew kunle was inside so I began to call his name begging him to come out. After about 15 minutes and I didn’t hear a thing I got worried and went to get some guys around to break the door open.
The door was forced open and behold Kunle’s lifeless body was dangling beneath the ceiling fan. He hung himself to death. Sighting that I passed out immediately and next thing I found myself on the hospital bed.
I will carry this burden for the rest of my life. I can never forgive myself, talk-less of forgetting those tragic moments. How my recklessness caused the demise of my unborn child and the love of my life. Every night I pray. “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”